Just in the Nick of Time, Politicians Save Economy... Again

As this is being written, the voice of President Barack Obama is monotonously rattling off the bullet points in praise of the $898 Billion (do the numbers even matter anymore?) tax extension and cut package approved by congress over the past few days and signed into law by Mr. Obama today.

Politicians love to make us believe that they are doing some good for the country, for us, for our kids, dogs, cats, parakeets and the rest of the little creatures who inhabit the vast expanse of the United States of America.

Reptiles that they are, congress and the president are making the world a better place for lizards, snakes, turtles, crocodiles and the ever-vigilant alligator. The vultures are ensuring the future for untold generations of crows, sea gulls and other flying creatures who pick through the trash in the parking lots of fast food restaurants, strip malls and shopping centers.

They have once again proven their collective brain-power to be insect-sized, and grateful are the hordes of locust, flies, fleas, mites, beetles, ladybugs, preying mantis, and ants whose job it will be to devour what is left of the continent once we are gone.

The fish are jumping and mammals of all ilk, coyotes and bears, antelope and moose, squirrel and gopher, praise the politicians for their largesse in allowing American humans to keep more of what they earn. Surely now, the great and magnanimous political class will pass some of our money over to the corporate class, for as we keep, so shall we blow. We will spend our extra moneys on iPods and flat-screens, CDs, DVDs, hors d' oeuvres, whirling dervishes and other diversions, all of which will cost more due to the inflationary policies pursued by the Federal Reserve and federal, state and local governments.

We shall spend. They shall spend. Together we shall ensure a present and a future in which nobody suffers any pain of any kind in any manner on any day forever and ever. Hallelujah, amen, they've saved the world again. God rest ye, merry gentleman and ladies, we can celebrate our christmas by shopping with our credit cards, online and off to the malls with you now! Enough reading. It's time to go out and spend, spend, spend.

My goodness! Look at that reaction from Wall Street. We are overwhelmed by its non-existence! With two weeks left to the year's trading, the clarion call apparently wasn't heard in lower Manhattan. Buy! Buy! Buy!

Dow 11,491.91. -7.34 (0.06%)
NASDAQ 2,642.97, +5.66 (0.21%)
S&P 500 1,243.91, +1.04 (0.08%)
NYSE Composite 7,835.31, -4.93 (0.06%)

Volume was strong today due to quadruple options expiration and nothing more. Advancing issued barely managed to beat the "Bah, Humbug" declining stocks, 3588-2905. On the NASDAQ, new highs outnumbered new lows, 211-31. On the NYSE, the tally was 175-22, new highs to lows. Hurrah!

NASDAQ Volume 2,576,992,250
NYSE Volume 5,729,695,500

Oil gained 32 cents, to $88.02. Three cheers. Gas will cost more this holiday season. Gold was allowed to rise a bit by the naked shorting banks, gaining $6.10, to $1375.60. Silver was also given special dispensation, gathering another 42 cents to its inexorable rise, now at $29.15 per troy ounce.

The lining, silver or otherwise, was that the republicans in congress, generally, would not pass a $1.2 Trillion omnibus spending bill proposed by outgoing Democritters, opting instead for a continuing resolution to tide the government over for a few more months. The next congress will get down to business come January, and they have promised to make cuts in spending.

Some of us also believe in flying unicorns that excrete hundred dollar bills.