Since it's the day before Christmas, most people aren't really interested in chasing stocks. Rather than bore readers with hyperbole and speculation, here's our list of both naughty and nice, and some idea of what might be on their Christmas wish lists.
Joe Biden has been naughty for more than just this year, but if he could sit on Santa's lap, he'd probably ask him for the following:
- Some hair from young girls to sniff
- A brain
- 10% of every federal employee's paycheck, since, after all, he's "The Big Guy"
- Another son as smart as Hunter
- A gag order for Doctor Jill
- Return of his soul from the devil
Matt Gaetz
- Clemency
- A clear conscience
- A job, preferably one that isn't in close proximity to reporters or parties
Kamala Harris
- She couldn't think of anything.
Luigi Mangione
- More CEOs
- More bullets
- Better escape plan
Janet Yellen
- A decent haircut
- Lower interest rates
- More of those tasty Chinese mushrooms
Zero Hedge
- More premium subscribers (a lot more)
- A proofreader
- Being correct once in a while
Michael Saylor
- Bitoin at $1,000,000
- Bitcoin at $10,000,000
- Bitcoin at $100,000,000
- Well, you get the idea
Donald Trump
- Tariffs on anything and everything that comes into the United States
- Big Macs
- A lower handicap
- Humility
- January 20, 2025
Elon Musk
- Mars. All of it, the whole planet.
- That's it. He already has everything else.
Jerome Powell
- Fewer press conferences
- Two percent inflation
- Retirement
Taylor Swift
- Talent
- A boyfriend who can actually dance
- Beyonce's boobs
Nancy Pelosi
- More insider stock tips
- Ice cream that can also be used as makeup
Chris Christie
- Hot dogs
- Wings
- Pizza
Rachel Maddow
- A chin
- Somebody to grope her
- An audience
That's all we got. Merry Christmas.
At the Close, Monday, December 23, 2024:
Dow: 42,906.95, +66.69 (+0.16%)
NASDAQ: 19,764.89, +192.29 (+0.98%)
S&P 500: 5,974.07, +43.22 (+0.73%)
NYSE Composite: 19,207.11, +87.68 (+0.46%)
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